This Was To Originally Go To Twitter, But It's More Than 140 Characters.

Are you on Twitter? Do you write your updates like you're writing a Facebook status update? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?

I have the strangest things on my pet peeve list: Hearing people swallow liquid. People who drag their feet. Having to repeat myself.

Well now I can add on to that list with: People who write their Twitter updates like they're writing a Facebook status update. Example?

@RandomTwit: is driving into a tree.

Not so bad in that situation I suppose. But when I go to the person's page and it is completely filled with tweets that all start with "is", well, IT'S STUPID.

is waiting for dinner
is looking at the circus from the window
is going to a bicycle parade later

Fix this. Please. Tweet like you're telling someone a story, it works better that way. It's easier to read that way. And people can respond to you that way. If you're stuck on the "is" aspect, then send that shit to Facebook! You're not writing in past tense on Twitter! We want to know what you're doing NOW! And I want you to tell it to me in a way that makes sense! Go!

Now, speaking on the Facebook "is", I will talk about the Facebook "is" and why people choose to ignore it. Example?

Random Facebooker is HOLY CRAP I JUST SAW A PENNY-LESS PANDA!

Random Facebooker is Danced her fucking face off last night

Honestly, I could go on and on with examples. What, with my endless buzz induced imagination as well as real life ones that I could pick from on my friends list. But I will spare you all. I think you've got the point. And with that, please change the way you're using these social platforms to please me because we all know, thats why you use them in the first place isn't it?

Do They Really Think These Work? This One Made Me Laugh.

Plane Crash Survivor Tweets the Aftermath.

Looks like the line of social media and real life are becoming further blurred. After yesterday's Denver plane incident, a man by the name of Mike Wilson made "history" (what? I don't know. will this be cited on wikipedia one day?) by being the very first person to tweet the scene of a plane crash.

And then proceeded to complain how the airline wasn't serving anyone drinks afterward. I don't see why I should be surprised when the situation explains itself in his Twitter name.

“Should anything be off limits for bloggers and tweeters, or is nothing sacred?” -Mr. Siddique of the Guardian

But just to clarify, he was "not tweeting from the inside of a burning plane."

OH COME ON THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER!

Said article can be read



here.

A Few Last Minute Gift Ideas.

Strapped for a gift on that special someone because you waited to long into the holiday season? Well ladies and gents I have stumbled on a site with all the gift ideas you'll ever need. Intimate and useful all at the same time.

A couple of my favorites from this list include:


"Nothing"
For when you find yourself so enraged at someone at (what is supposed to be) one of the happiest times of the year, you literally...want to give them nothing.



and Squirrel Feet Earrings. Quite fashionable if you ask me.






You're welcome.



http://inventorspot.com/articles/15_strange_funny_weird_bizarre_sick_gifts_20878

I Think I May Have Found The Saddest Christmas Song EVER.

Driving home tonight flipping through random radio stations, something about this song caught my ear and I decided to listen.

Prepare yourself for the most terrible Christmas song that you will have ever heard in your entire life.



Maybe even worse than Christmas Shoes?


You Decide.

"Happy" Holidays!

Lets give a giant F for the month of November.

According to my own archives it looks like I've had just next to nothing to say the entire month of November. Maybe it's the weather that makes my brain quiet... or too loud and congested to make sense of anything that floats around up there.

Here's a jewel that was brought to my attention at work this past week. I can't get over how ridiculous it is. And I'm still looking for friends who would like to make this video our own and re create it in the Philadelphia area. Just let me know.

Oh Did I Forget To Mention Something?

Janet Jackson canceled the rest of her tour last week. No interest in rescheduling oh, the 7 or 8 shows she initially "postponed"


http://www.janet-xone.com/2008_11_01_archives.html#537318708815134513

Hey J, if you read this. Thanks for taking one of the single events I've been looking forward to for most of my life, dangling it in front of my eyes, then throwing it away. I appreciate it, really thank you.

Signed,

1 less devoted fan.

I wish I could take all your CDs I bought and give them back to you.


















And then come back for them later when I wasn't so angry anymore.

10 Reasons Why John McCain Should Not Be President.

1. If John McCain died in office, Sarah Palin would become President.
How long has it been now since the Vice Presidential candidates were announced? Well, count those days and weeks and that's how long I've cared about this election. Previously, I could give two shits in a Rumpelstiltskin outfit handing out candies who was running for president. Now I'd like to thank Sarah Palin herself, her in her Tina Fey glasses, for pissing me off so much that I feel the need to vote NOT BECAUSE I care anything about the Democratic party winning this election, but because I feel so deeply inside my soul and bones that Sarah Palin does not deserve it.

2. John McCain is already the “After” picture.
You’ve seen the before and after pictures of all the presidents of the United States. How young, buff and hunky they looked prior to their stay in office, and then how terrible they looked after! The zinger right here is that John McCain ALREADY LOOKS LIKE THE AFTER. You can’t elect a man who ALREADY, no stay in the oval office yet, looks like he’s too stressed/fragile/at risk of a heart attack/prone to death over something like too much variety and anxiety over what to pick off of the Wendy’s dollar menu.

3. John McCain opposes women’s rights.
If John McCain were President, women would lose their right to choose. Whether if it’s deciding if Lifetime really is television for women, what shoes to wear with this shirt, or whether or not she wants to have this child…John McCain does not want women to have this right. He would rather tack up women's choices on a wall on index cards, pour a beer in a whiffle bat, chug that beer, spin around in a circle ten times, run towards the direction of said wall, and make his choice by whichever index card his forehead slammed into first.

4. John McCain can’t lift his hands above his shoulders.
In a time of joy and victory... what do we, as Americans tend to do to symbolize this? WE HIGH FIVE! As President, John McCain would only be able to give you a middle five. Do you want a President who is only capable of giving middle fives? What does that say about you, about your country? America! Home of the apple pie, baseball and childhood obesity, does NOT deserve a middle five!

5. If John McCain died in office, Sarah Palin would become President.
Could you honestly say that you wouldn't be frightened if this woman was in the White House? She lets her children LICK each other! IN PUBLIC.

6. John McCain divorced his former super model wife [AFTER…he had relations with another woman] when he saw that she was ugly as a result of a serious car accident.
I do believe this act would have earned him a supporting role and then killed in the film ‘Seven’. “What’s in the booooooooooooox???”

7. John McCain has no idea how many homes he has.
If John McCain has no idea how many homes he has, how on earth is he able to maintain the interests 300 plus million people? Hm? Hello? Anyone? What this is, folks, is not a sign of just another politician who wants this position for himself and not for the betterment of our country…but a sign of early but most likely advanced Alzheimer’s. John McCain does not know where he is. John McCain does not know he is John McCain. John McCain would rather be eating cereal from a high chair dangling his legs over the edge in his onesies with the rubber soles that prevent him from slipping on slippery surfaces watching Spongebob Squarepants.

8. If John McCain died in office.... Sarah Palin......... would become President.....
Is this sinking in to ANYONE yet?

9. IF JOHN MCCAIN DIED IN OFFICE SARAH PALIN WOULD BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND WOULD HAVE COMPLETE RULE OVER EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE AND TAKE ALL OF YOUR RIGHTS AWAY!
http://palinaspresident.com/
http://palinaspresident.com/
http://palinaspresident.com/

10. John McCain supports rabid kangaroo boxing and paving over cabbage patch kids farms and selling land to chain grocery stores like ACME and Giant.
Or I just wanted something to round out an even 10. Either way, COULD YOU IMAGINE?

Be wise when it comes to who you vote for this election. Don't be stupid and vote for the party of the woman who may or may not have been the voice of Martha Generic aka Bobby's mom from Bobby's world.

Thank you.

Now with that, I'm going to step off and take a nice bresh of freath air and enjoy this warm autumn night.

Sarah Palin Is An Idiot!

Stumbled on this great blog titled Sarah Palin is an idiot! that exploits well no...shows the veil of truthiness that IS the crazed rabbit, Sarah Palin.

I hate her.

Anyway,

After the debates I couldn't really tell who came out as a real "winner", despite how CNN's voice ticker thing tried to help? Turned out to only be a distraction in the end. However, I do think it's entertaining how Sarah Palin and her "camp" consider that debate a victory. Victory? Just because she didn't fumble over her words and maybe answered ONE or TWO questions directly is a VICTORY? Jesus anyone really can be Vice President!

I do believe she even threw a sentence out there of "just because I'm not answering the questions the way you want me to..." ..WHAT!?! The way WHO wants you to? You get a question and you answer it with the truth and preferably without a Martha Generic accent. I also thought it was pretty tacky and ridiculous to give her brother's 3rd grade class a "shout out" and "extra credit for watching!" Wtf this is not MTV TRL, if that was the case HER ASS would have been canceled a week ago.

30 days...30 days...

This Will Surely Be Picked Up As A Primetime Comedy

Don't forget to tune in tonight to the circus show that will be the vice presidential debates. No one cares what Joe Biden has to say. Frankly, I could care less if the camera even points at him or if the man even SPEAKS! Well, maybe just a bit to see his facial reactions to the horseshit that will surely come out of Sarah Palin's mouth.

If I'm feeling up to it later tonight (assuming I'm not too drunk to misspell things) I'll try and post a little something on the aftermath. For my own good of course, because we all know ...

THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING! THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING!

Go Phillies!

Sarah Palin May Be Useful For Something.

She makes me angry! For the past few years I've looked at the voting system as being completely and utterly useless. And you know, it might still be that way. But right now I am angry enough by this woman to speak out against her and anyone else who supports her beliefs. This woman is a witch and will make our lives hell if she gets a position in the White House. I do not like this woman. And I will do everything in my power to stop this process, and to change your mind. Because honestly, how much of your brain are you using if you HONESTLY think that she is a good choice as Vice President? If it was Tina Fey imitating her then, alright then.



Sarah Palin? NOPE!

Mad Men & Co. Invade The Twitterverse!

I'm addicted to twitter. But I'm sure my 750+ posts since I first started using it only a few months ago only proves the point.

So tonight in my quest to find new and interesting followers (and hopefully get some back hey!) I found just about the entire cast of AMC's hit series Mad Men! And if you're thinking I found the actors as themselves well hell hell you are wrong my friend. Le characters. Everyone from Don Draper to Bobby and Saller Draper to FATHER GILL and even the random next door neighbor who was divorced with the creepy son.

And for your ease of search and stalk I have here all of the Twitter accounts of the characters from Mad Men listed just for you. At least the ones that I found in the 5 minutes that this stalking spree had my attention. Some have multiple accounts while others do not, not sure why. But what I am sure of is that I will probably stop following them after a couple of days...and that I have way... too much time on my hands.


Roger Sterling
http://twitter.com/Roger_Sterling

Don Draper
http://twitter.com/don_draper

Betty Draper
http://twitter.com/bettydraper
http://twitter.com/betty_draper

Sally Draper
http://twitter.com/sally_draper

Robert "Bobby" Draper
http://twitter.com/robert_draper

Sal Romano
http://twitter.com/sal_romano

Kitty Romano
http://twitter.com/kitty_romano

Ken Cosgrove
http://twitter.com/ken_cosgrove

Pete Campbell
http://twitter.com/pete_campbell

Peggy Olson
http://twitter.com/peggyolson

Paul Kinsey
http://twitter.com/paul_kinsey

Harry Crane
http://twitter.com/harry_crane

Joan Holloway
http://twitter.com/Joan_Holloway

Bobbie Barrett
http://twitter.com/Bobbie_Barrett

Jimmy Barrett
http://twitter.com/Jimmy_Barrett

Father Gill
http://twitter.com/FatherGill

Francine Hanson
http://twitter.com/francine_hanson

Helen Bishop
http://twitter.com/helen_bishop

AND HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN
Bertram Cooper
http://www.twitter.com/bertramcooper

Can't wait for everyone from Heroes, Lost and 30 Rock to hop on the wagon! Oo and maybe the Hills with Lo, LC and Audrina! Haa well I was kidding with the last one...

I really need to pick up a hobby of some sort.

Philadelphia Hates Gold Medalists.

Brendan Hansen [lean, muscular Caucasian pictured above], who was a part of the gold medal winning relay con sir Michael Phelps, recently had his gold medal stolen. GASP!

Brendan was traveling home back to Austin from Philadelphia with a layover in Nashville when he discovered his medal went missing. Oh. My. Fucking. God. Everything in me is crossed in hopes that it wasn't some dicky Philadelphian who went through his bag. Let it be someone in Nashville! Country music fans are evil!

http://perezhilton.com/2008-09-15-gold-medal-missing

I've Joked About Things Like This Before.

It was 24-year-old Angel Pantoja Medina's wish to stand at his own funeral and when he was found dead, his family made sure that his wish came true.



After being embalmed, his corpse was propped up for his three day wake in his mother's living room dressed in his favorite Yankees cap and sunglasses.





Wow.

Further Proof Our Country Is Doomed.

"This data has been published in the Economist and the St. Petersburg Times, though this does not mean it should be taken as fact."

I'll take it as fact. The slower you talk the dumber you are, right?
tease.

Shhh! Not While I'm Transferring Floors!

This is a trend I've been noticing for a while, but what exactly is it about elevators that makes people shut the FUCK up immediately?

Time and time again I've waited for an elevator (lately more often with people from work) with a group of people who yell scream laugh and carry on. But once we're on the elevator, empty or not, we all shut the fuck up? What is this? Why? The most moving conversation in the entire world say, your position on the current issues involving gas prices or your stance on the war, yet once those elevator shaft doors close...so does the conversation...

Is it because of the confined space we're in? Is it because we're all facing the same direction and feel that we can't continue our conbersation? OR ! OR! I know. It's because we're all concentrating on keeping the elevator in the air. That's the only explanation that makes sense to me. It's how planes stay in the air, it's house planes stay afloat, and it's how, well, elevators don't plummet to the lobby floor.

NO ONE can survive a conbersation in an elevator. Even the best of them become silenced by the heavy anxious breathing of those surrounding them. Every floor that beeps you're that much closer to yours. Every floor that beeps you're that much higher in the air. Every floor that beeps...you're on that elevator in that gaping shaft for just... that ... much... longer...

I suggest that next time you find yourself in an elevator with people who want to talk and carry on about things that don't matter like world peace and the environment, give them the evil eye to hush their faces! But don't get distracted, the elevator might fall. And you might die.

I Don't See Why This Has Been Banned?

MasterCard Priceless (Blow Job) Funny



lol.