10 Reasons Why John McCain Should Not Be President.

1. If John McCain died in office, Sarah Palin would become President.
How long has it been now since the Vice Presidential candidates were announced? Well, count those days and weeks and that's how long I've cared about this election. Previously, I could give two shits in a Rumpelstiltskin outfit handing out candies who was running for president. Now I'd like to thank Sarah Palin herself, her in her Tina Fey glasses, for pissing me off so much that I feel the need to vote NOT BECAUSE I care anything about the Democratic party winning this election, but because I feel so deeply inside my soul and bones that Sarah Palin does not deserve it.

2. John McCain is already the “After” picture.
You’ve seen the before and after pictures of all the presidents of the United States. How young, buff and hunky they looked prior to their stay in office, and then how terrible they looked after! The zinger right here is that John McCain ALREADY LOOKS LIKE THE AFTER. You can’t elect a man who ALREADY, no stay in the oval office yet, looks like he’s too stressed/fragile/at risk of a heart attack/prone to death over something like too much variety and anxiety over what to pick off of the Wendy’s dollar menu.

3. John McCain opposes women’s rights.
If John McCain were President, women would lose their right to choose. Whether if it’s deciding if Lifetime really is television for women, what shoes to wear with this shirt, or whether or not she wants to have this child…John McCain does not want women to have this right. He would rather tack up women's choices on a wall on index cards, pour a beer in a whiffle bat, chug that beer, spin around in a circle ten times, run towards the direction of said wall, and make his choice by whichever index card his forehead slammed into first.

4. John McCain can’t lift his hands above his shoulders.
In a time of joy and victory... what do we, as Americans tend to do to symbolize this? WE HIGH FIVE! As President, John McCain would only be able to give you a middle five. Do you want a President who is only capable of giving middle fives? What does that say about you, about your country? America! Home of the apple pie, baseball and childhood obesity, does NOT deserve a middle five!

5. If John McCain died in office, Sarah Palin would become President.
Could you honestly say that you wouldn't be frightened if this woman was in the White House? She lets her children LICK each other! IN PUBLIC.

6. John McCain divorced his former super model wife [AFTER…he had relations with another woman] when he saw that she was ugly as a result of a serious car accident.
I do believe this act would have earned him a supporting role and then killed in the film ‘Seven’. “What’s in the booooooooooooox???”

7. John McCain has no idea how many homes he has.
If John McCain has no idea how many homes he has, how on earth is he able to maintain the interests 300 plus million people? Hm? Hello? Anyone? What this is, folks, is not a sign of just another politician who wants this position for himself and not for the betterment of our country…but a sign of early but most likely advanced Alzheimer’s. John McCain does not know where he is. John McCain does not know he is John McCain. John McCain would rather be eating cereal from a high chair dangling his legs over the edge in his onesies with the rubber soles that prevent him from slipping on slippery surfaces watching Spongebob Squarepants.

8. If John McCain died in office.... Sarah Palin......... would become President.....
Is this sinking in to ANYONE yet?

9. IF JOHN MCCAIN DIED IN OFFICE SARAH PALIN WOULD BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND WOULD HAVE COMPLETE RULE OVER EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE AND TAKE ALL OF YOUR RIGHTS AWAY!
http://palinaspresident.com/
http://palinaspresident.com/
http://palinaspresident.com/

10. John McCain supports rabid kangaroo boxing and paving over cabbage patch kids farms and selling land to chain grocery stores like ACME and Giant.
Or I just wanted something to round out an even 10. Either way, COULD YOU IMAGINE?

Be wise when it comes to who you vote for this election. Don't be stupid and vote for the party of the woman who may or may not have been the voice of Martha Generic aka Bobby's mom from Bobby's world.

Thank you.

Now with that, I'm going to step off and take a nice bresh of freath air and enjoy this warm autumn night.